Everyone is trying to scam a hot girl – and by everyone, I mostly mean beauty supply store employees (and landlords).
Any time a hot girl walks into a beauty supply store, a “beauty assistant” will tell her the product she was planning to purchase is the wrong product to purchase, and she should buy a different and more expensive product and here’s why.
“This one is made especially for hot girls – it’s not like the others,” the beauty assistant will say. “It’s everything you’ve ever wanted in a face moisturizer: lightweight, hypoallergenic, and so hydrating you will forget you live in a high-plains desert.”
To which the hot girl will of course inquire about the price, invoking a look of horror from the beauty assistant who throws the price back at her like a dirty tissue: “Just $54.” Like how gross of you to inquire about the price of your beauty, how gross-gross, how no-no.
“It will last you a whole three months,” the beauty assistant will continue, as though this is a reasonable amount of time for a $54 product to last. But, “Fine,” the hot girl will say this time. “Fine.” Because she wants to trust someone, anyone, really. So, she will take the moisturizer home, squirt a pea-sized amount on her finger, apply it to her face only to have her face begin stinging and screaming as the moisturizer suffocates her pores. And why?
Because a hot girl can’t trust anyone. Because too many people are looking to scam a hot girl.
So, the hot girl will hurry back to return the product. She will look around the store at all the tiny, overpriced bottles of God-knows-what and think, “These are nothing but tiny little bottles of scams! I can’t even imagine putting all these onto to my face.”
And just as the hot girl is verging on a panic attack re: preventing her face from cracking into pieces in such a dry climate, the beauty assistant will decide it’s the right moment to ask the hot girl if she wants to stay looking young forever. “Oh, um,” the hot girl is flustered. She makes eye contact with the beauty assistant as she holds up the retinol and though her lips are saying, “Buy this retinol,” her eyes are saying, “I will murder you in your sleep.”
The hot girl will hold back a gasp, unsure of what to do with such a contradiction before remembering vampires exist. So, she will smile nervously, grab the retinol, and run to the checkout counter.
“What’s a good phone number for you?” The woman at the checkout counter will greet her. And just when she’s about to give her phone number, she will realize she’s being scammed, yet again. She will realize the question eliminates the possibility of choice. And that while hot girls can and should put whatever they want on their faces, they should be asked if they would like to join the rewards program, not have it forced upon them. Hot girls don’t need scams.
And by the way, a good phone number for a hot girl is: 1-800-LEAVE-HER-ALONE.
Yes! Friiiick